Doctor Who Meets Darth Vader

It was a quiet day on the Death Star. The rebellion against Darth Vader was losing steam as his forces rapidly crushed all opposition. Vader's forces would soon capture Princess Leia, dealing yet another blow to the resistance movement. Darth Vader could look to the future with more than just a modicum of confidence.

In the meantime, the Doctor had just made the difficult journey out of E-space. It was only now that the implications of leaving Romana behind were becoming apparent to him. The Time Lords won't particularly appreciate this, he thought. Best to stay clear of Gallifrey for the time being. It was yet another problem, of which the Doctor seemed to face many. This was especially so in recent years; the search for the Key to Time was a particularly monumental one, as was being chased by the Black Guardian. Maybe it was time to take a holiday.

But those never seem to work, either. His trip to the Leisure Hive on Argolis brought him face to face with the megalomaniac Pangol, who attempted to use his skills in tachyonics to restore Argolis to its former glory. On Tara, he wanted to get in a few hours of fishing and was immediately thrust into a web of intrigue related to local politics. But now the TARDIS was behaving erratically, and he could no longer get a reading on the coordinates.

"What's going on, Doctor? Why aren't the instruments working properly?" asked Adric. These were still the early days of Adric's traveling with the Doctor and he still wasn't that annoying.

"Traveling between E-space and regular space isn't easy, you know. It's still a tricky maneuver," the Doctor replied. "Still, it shouldn't be too difficult to set things right." The Doctor looked pensive for a moment. How was it they fixed twentieth-century Earth machinery?

The Doctor thought for a moment, and then it dawned on him. He struck the console with his fist. For a moment, the system worked fine. Then the whole console room shook and tilted, almost knocking Adric and the Doctor to the floor. The instability was enough to cause the TARDIS to materialize.

Outside, Darth Vader was planning his conquest of what was left of the galaxy. Now, it finally seemed that years of hard work were paying off. They were years of battling Daleks, Cybermen, Movellans, and Sontarans, seeking out advantages over the enemy (or enemies, for several coalitions had attempted to defeat him), and facing potential defeat. But now the opposition was scattered and weak. These are the salad days, he thought. Unlimited power was within reach!

Inside, the Doctor was convinced that the fault which forced the TARDIS to land was minor. "The multi-loop stabilizer is simply out of phase," he told Adric. It shouldn't take more than fifteen minutes to fix."

"Minutes?" Adric asked. The young Alzarian was unfamiliar with this terminology.

"Not long at all."

"You won't be needing me for the repairs, then?"

"No; it's quite simple."

"In that case, can I have a look around outside the ship?"

The Doctor checked the instrument panel. "I don't see why not. The atmosphere is breathable. Gravity: normal; radiation level: normal; yes, it looks quite safe. Just don't stray too far from the ship," he cautioned.

"Right." Adric opened the door and stepped outside. The Doctor twisted a knob on the control panel; a panel on the wall slid away, revealing a monitor. As the Doctor adjusted the multi-loop stabilizer, he remembered how he had used this particular infrequently, until the near disaster he had attempting to materialize on Callufrax. Although he later discovered that the real problem was that the planet Zanak was also materializing around Callufrax, nowadays he almost always used it, if for no other reason than the fact that Romana was very critical of him when he didn't.

Romana was now gone, but old habits die hard. The multi-loop stabilizer was now fully operational, but as happened often in the past, complications arose. Adric, who was wandering in a corridor not to far from the ship, was now apprehended by two storm troopers. Immediately they dragged him off to the detention cells.

"Admit it! You are a spy for the resistance!" one of the storm troopers accused.

"Resistance? How can I belong to the resistance when I don't even know where I am?" Adric countered.

"You lie. How convenient it is that you forget that you have infiltrated the Death Star." Having come from E-space, Adric was none the wiser.

If the Doctor had heard this, of course, the mention of the Death Star would have had some significance. Every Time Lord knew that the Death Star was the headquarters of the heavy-breathing baddie Darth Vader. Far into the future, Vader had forged an intergalactic empire of an impressive scale. But as it turned out, the Doctor was merely looking for Adric. He hadn't seen Adric's capture on the monitor, but he had a feeling something bad was going on. His suspicions were confirmed when he saw a patrolling storm trooper pass by on the monitor. The storm trooper walked over to investigate this strange-looking object which had materialized in the corridors of the Death Star. He touched it, and was immediately stunned, since the Doctor had switched on the TARDIS's self-defense mechanism.

The Doctor hid the storm trooper in a nearby room, then stripped him of his uniform. Now that the Doctor had a storm trooper uniform, complete with helmet, he had a means of walking freely about the Death Star, and could find out where Adric was being held. But before went after Adric, he returned to the TARDIS and made a short hop from the corridor to one of the Death Star's engine rooms, figuring the guards would be less likely to find it there.

"Those short hops are always tricky," the Doctor reflected, as he emerged from the TARDIS. He put the helmet on and entered the corridor. On one of the walls, he found a map of the Death Star, showing the detention cells on the lower level. Figuring that this was where Adric was probably being held, the Doctor set off for them.

Adric was cooling his heels in one of the cells, still confident that there may be a chance of escape. During interrogation, he had revealed more about the TARDIS then perhaps he should have, but he wasn't overly concerned about it.

"How long are you going to keep me here?" Adric asked one of the guards.

"Until you tell the truth. Until you stop making up stories about time machines.

The Doctor knew he needed a diversion in order to successfully stage a rescue, so he pulled the fire alarm. Instantly, storm troopers responded. "The fire is two levels up," he told them. "On the double, man! Lives are at stake!" He couldn't believe it was this easy. He slipped into the detention area without so much as a second glance from the guard on duty. He found Adric in a cell at the end of a long row of cells.

"What took you so long," inquired Adric, insolent as usual. The Doctor unlocked the cell with his sonic screwdriver and the two made their escape.

"We may just make it out of here as prisoner and escort," the Doctor said. He told the guard that he was taking Adric to Darth Vader for interrogation. When the guard questioned this, the Doctor said that Darth Vader did not like to be kept waiting, and the guard let him go without further incident. As they got nearer to the engine room, the Doctor reflected on how easy this was. Then further progress was blocked by the presence of two storm troopers.

"Ah, I'm glad you're here. You see, there's an intruder at large, and we have to conduct a search..." The storm troopers approached the Doctor menacingly. He looked back but his retreat was cut off by two other storm troopers. "Kamerade?" the Doctor asked. It didn't work five years ago and it didn't work now.

The Doctor and Adric found themselves being marched off to Darth Vader, who wanted to meet the man damn fool enough to think he could get away with raiding the Death Star. "You know, it must be awfully hard," the Doctor said to one of the storm troopers, "having to shout and look tough all day." The storm trooper did not respond. They reached the bridge, and Darth Vader turned around to confront the Doctor.

"Darth Vader, I presume," the Doctor stated plaintively.

"The same!" Darth Vader shot back. "I've been waiting for this moment."

"How flattering," the Doctor said.

"Yes. It's not often that I see a man brave enough to infiltrate the Death Star. And the few who do don't live to tell the tale."

"They're very secretive about it, then?"

"They die, you simpering imbecile!" Darth Vader triumphed. "But you're lucky. I'm going to postpone your execution, because I have a further use for you."

"Isn't it nice to be needed!" The Doctor said.

"The boy spoke of a machine that travels through time and space. Is there any truth to this story?"

"Yes!" said Adric. "It's called the TARDIS, and it not only can travel through time and space, but it's dimensionally - "

"Shut up!" the Doctor ordered. "I'm afraid Adric here is rather prone to imagination. We have a means of space transport, but it's nothing to write home about."

"Too bad," Darth Vader said, "it looks like I'm going to have to kill you two after all."

"Well, I didn't say he was lying," the Doctor countered. "My ship is an old Type Forty, but it's amazing in its own little way."

"Good. I think we may be able to work together," replied Darth Vader. "You see, the Death Star is also amazing, in its own little way. When I first built the Death Star, what I wanted was the ultimate springboard for military operations. So I added more and more landing bays. Supercomputers analyze military data gathered from the field and from various surveillance satellites. But most amazingly, I added to the Death Star the ability to teleport!"

"Really? This is quite impressive."

"Once I could teleport, I could move the entire Death Star to the newest theater of operations."

"I didn't know you liked theater," The Doctor said, playing the fool.

"Shut up! Of course, this gave me a rather decisive advantage against my opponents. All opposition was thrown into disarray! But there are still some loose ends that need to be tied up - the resistance, for example."

"But what can they do to you?

"Enough! But I thought to myself, if I could travel back in time, I could eliminate these problems before they became problems. That's where you come in."

"You want me to help you time travel."

"The boy Adric spoke of time travel. Time travel is beyond my comprehension. But if you rig the Death Star so that it can time travel, I will spare your lives."

"Well, it would mean removing the dematerialization circuit from my TARDIS, and therefore rendering it useless, but if it would save our lives, I suppose it would be worth it."

"Good! I knew you'd see things my way."

"I'm going to need the TARDIS up here on the bridge, and I'm going to have to cannibalize it for parts, but other than that, it should take no more than a few hours."

"Excellent! The empire shall triumph, then."

A few hours later, the Doctor was trying to explain the principle of the machine he was patching into the Death Star's engines. "This box here creates a space-time corridor. By patching it into the Death Star's engines, I enable the whole Death Star to travel through time and space."

"Good," replied Darth Vader. "Now perhaps you would like to give us a demonstration."

"Well, I haven't quite finished setting it up, but..." The Doctor fiddled with the controls, and then pushed the button which controlled dematerialization. When the Dearth Star had dematerialized a few seconds later, its position had changed slightly. Through a portal, they could see another Death Star only a few miles away.

"What happened?" asked Darth Vader.

"We went back in time about thirty seconds. That's the Death Star, before it moved. Sure enough, a few seconds later, the other Death Star disappeared. The Doctor adjusted the controls. "Oh, I'm going to have to get the multi-loop stabilizer from the TARDIS so I can install it on this console."

"But the time-travel apparatus is fully operational," Darth Vader countered.

"It's fully operational for short jumps," the Doctor asserted, "but for longer jumps, you'll need the multi-loop stabilizer."

"OK; I'll have one of the guards escort you to the TARDIS. The boy stays here, though."

"I'm afraid not. The TARDIS's lock requires the physical presence of both of us," the Doctor said, repeating a lie which had been successful on a prior occasion.

"Very well," Darth Vader replied. They can't go anywhere, anyway. Not while I have his dematerialization circuit, he thought. One of the guards escorted the Doctor to the TARDIS.

The Doctor handed the key to Adric. "You're going to have to operate the door control as well," the Doctor told him. They were accompanied by a lone guard. Adric turned the key and entered the TARDIS, while the Doctor simply stood outside and waited.

"Well, aren't you going in?" the guard asked.

"Oh, yes, how silly of me," the Doctor replied, stepping inside the TARDIS ahead of the guard. Adric immediately closed the door, locking the guard out. Darth Vader entered the room, decrying the guard's incompetence but still thinking he held all the aces.

"Don't worry. He can't go anywhere - we have his dematerialization circuit." But a few seconds later, the TARDIS dematerialized.

Inside the TARDIS, the Doctor and Adric were recapping their latest triumph. "I had a feeling you wouldn't hand over your only dematerialization circuit to Darth Vader," Adric quipped. "It's a redundant circuit, isn't it?"

"Yes. The last time I was on Gallifrey, I made a point of grabbing a spare," the Doctor said.

"But aren't you a bit concerned about leaving Darth Vader with a functioning dematerialization circuit?"

"Not really. The console is programmed to make one trip through time - back to Event One, the hydrogen inrush that created the universe as we know it."

Back on the Death Star, Darth Vader was beginning to realize that the Doctor had betrayed him. The Death Star was now trapped in the gravity whirlpool created by the hydrogen inrush.

"Damn that infernal Doctor! Can't you idiots do something?"

Darth Vader had a team of scientists trying to reprogram the time travel apparatus to turn around and go back, but it was too little too late. It was like trying to learn assembly language overnight; they simply couldn't comprehend it, and there was no time left. Finally, one of the engines buckled, and the resulting stream of sparks ignited the hydrogen, causing the Death Star to explode into a million pieces.

Darth Vader's life up to now had been like a chess game. Every once and a while his opponent would make a good move, and he would admire that move, but he consistently gained the upper hand. But now there was no more Darth Vader, and the game was over.

Checkmate.

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This page © 1996 David Zientara dzien@nic.com