Ahh! To run wild and free, throwing all cares to the wind, exposing your *ahem* doodads to the elements... That is the life! Strap on those Nikes and let me, Dr. Sam T Reaker, be your guide to this exciting and uhh... cutting-edge post-therapy-clinic activity.
Make sure you have a forest. You know, it's a place with lots of trees, bushes, kids cutting school, worshippers of the occult, and stockbrokers. Yes, I know that describes Central Park perfectly but try not to make that mistake. You could go starkers in Central Park too but pretty soon you'll get plenty of offers to go to bed with someone and there aren't that many nights in a week. Trust me.
If at all possible, get a nice shiny new pair of hedge clippers. Eventually, you'll slip and impale yourself, and a nice clean wound heals better than the ragged ones you get from those plastic safety scissors used in grade schools.
Hellooo...?
By all means, run right through the poison ivy. That will get your mind of the beartrap into which you just stepped. And speaking of bears, they're real friendly and want to check out your cream filling.
The author is not a doctor, nor does he play one on TV except during the sweeps. Stockbrokers do not run around naked. They wear neckties. Poison ivy is not a kind of ivy. Scissors with orange handles were invented by the Swiss and not 3M. Do not lick self-adhesive stamps.
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