Freak Force Issue #1 "Poker Your Eyes Out" Script for Pages 1-8 Written by Augie De Blieck Jr. 02/22/97 PAGE ONE PANEL ONE: TITLE SPLASH PAGE. We see six members of Freak Force sitting around a table, about to embark upon a game of poker: BARBARIC, DART, RAPTURE, SUPERPATRIOT, ANN, and RICOCHET, in this order, clockwise. There's a doorframe (no door) behind SuperPatriot and an open way into the next room behind Ricochet and/or Ann, from which Rapture can look across the table and into the next room, where Horridus is watchingTV. Barbaric has one of those green visors on his forehead during a poker game, and is shuffling the cards. Everyone has a small pile of chips in front of them. It should be noted for the future that Rapture is wearing some sort of bodysuit with a plunging neckline. Everyone is out of costume, also, and is wearing civvies. Off to the side, HORRIDUS is watching television. 1 TITLE: POKER YOUR EYES OUT 1 CAPTION: It's an uncharacteristically quiet night in Chicago, and Freak Force is taking advantage of it with a round of poker, while their stalwart secretary works overtime. 2 CAPTION: It will be a night of mirth and merriment, as money changes hands, strategies are devised, and cunning plans unfurl. 3 CAPTION: And it'll be a special hell for their leader, Dart. PAGE TWO PANEL ONE: BARBARIC begins to deal the cards. RAPTURE is looking off behind RICOCHET to HORRIDUS, who is sitting in the next room in front of the TV. 1 RAPTURE: Horridus! Are you sure you don't wanna play a round? 2 HORRIDUS: Uh uh. Star Trek: The Next Generation is on. To boldly go where no one has gone before. 3 HORRIDUS: I'll watch you during commercials. PANEL TWO: RAPTURE now smells a whiff of smoke, coming in just under her nose. 4 RAPTURE: What the -- ?!? 5 RAPTURE: Superpatriot! What are you doing? PANEL THREE: SUPERPATRIOT sits back in his chair, holding a cigar in his mouth. Obviously, then, his facemask is turned up a bit to show his chin and mouth. 6 SUPERPATRIOT: It's poker. You know: Cheap beer, lotsa chips, silly green visors, and cee-gars! 7 SUPERPATRIOT: In this case, a fine Cuban 56-ring size. Made from only the finest of leaves. PANEL FOUR: ANN now enters the panel, and has a disgusted look on her face as she addresses SUPERPATRIOT. 8 ANN: Yeah, and I've seen enough patients at the hospital to tell you that those things will wreck you. 9 SUPERPATRIOT: Ann? Look at me. Think about what you just said. 10 SUPERPATRIOT: These things can't do anything worse to me than what the government and the Covenant of the Sword have done already. PAGE THREE PANEL ONE: DART reaches into the middle of the table to deposit her chip. SUPERPATRIOT has taken the cigar out of his mouth and is looking towards DART. A smile shows across his lips. 1 DART: I'm in for two bucks. 2 SUPERPATRIOT: And Laundry Girl is in the game! 3 DART: Hey! PANEL TWO: SUPERPATRIOT is intently looking at his cards. ANN is looking at him curiously. 4 ANN: "Laundry Girl"? 5 SUPERPATRIOT: OK. "Laundry Woman"? 6 ANN: No, no. What do you mean by the nickname? 7 SUPERPATRIOT: You'll see. Shouldn't take long. PANEL THREE: RAPTURE puts in two chips. This panel is seen from Barbaric's POV, whose attention is focused on her breasts. RICOCHET slaps him for his comment in this panel, hence the SWAP SFX. 8 RAPTURE: I'll see your two. 9 BARBARIC: I already do. SFX: SWAP 10 BARBARIC: Ouch! PANEL FOUR: BARBARIC launches into a grand speech. 11 BARBARIC: Well, I mean, let's face it. We're not the smartest-dressed group of heroes, now are we? 12 BARBARIC: I go around in nothing but my underwear. If we ever have to fight someone in a snowstorm, I'm a dead man. PANEL FIVE: Focus on DART. 13 BARBARIC: (off-panel, left) Dart goes around in a leotard, which just has to ride up on you. 14 BARBARIC: (off-panel, left) And it's so damned shiney and bright it damned-near blinds me everytime I have to look at it. 15 BARBARIC: (off-panel, left) Then you go and attach pointy things against your thigh. One quick fall and your stabbing yourself if you're not lucky. And I won't get into the heels here... PANEL SIX: Focus on RAPTURE. 16 BARBARIC: (off-panel, left) Rapture... Well, I'm amazed you stay in that thing you wear. 17 RAPTURE: Static cling, baby. 18 BARBARIC: (off-panel, left) And it's got to ride up on you, too. PAGE FOUR PANEL ONE: Focus on SUPERPATRIOT. 19 BARBARIC: (off-panel, top) Another thong on SuperPatriot - and you're a man! At least you have some natural body armor. 20 BARBARIC: (off-pane, top) I'm not even going to mention that strategically-placed star on your costume that acts as a bullseye. PANEL TWO: Focus on Ann. 21 BARBARIC: (off-panel, right) Ann, you've got the world's best secret identity, and your costume is mostly OK, but... 22 BARBARIC: (off-panel, right) Capes are passe and yours is long enough to remind me of a wedding dress. 23 BARBARIC: (off-panel, right) And the collar on your cape is high enough to block out any of your peripheral vision. PANEL THREE: BARBARIC back on-panel with RICOCHET, whose arms are crossed over her chest, and looks to be pouting. 24 BARBARIC: Honey, you know I love you, but you traipse around covering up the part of your body where there ain't much... 25 BARBARIC: ...and then cramming that thing up your butt. 26 BARBARIC: And what's the point of a belt?!? PANEL FOUR: Pull back to see Barbaric with his hands up. The rest of the group is staring at him dumbly although, obviously, you can't see all their faces. 27 BARBARIC: Did any of us ever think of this first? PANEL FIVE: Same art as in the last panel, except BARBARIC isn't gesturing anymore and SUPERPATRIOT is putting in a couple of chips. 28 SUPERPATRIOT: Nope. 29 SUPERPATRIOT: And I'll call. 30 ANN: Me, too. 31 RICOCHET: Ditto. PAGE FIVE PANEL ONE: BARBARIC puts his chips in, with a broad smile. 1 BARBARIC: I'm in for twenty. 2 DART: Fold. 3 SUPERPATRIOT: (off-panel, right) Laundry Girl! PANEL TWO: SUPERPATRIOT is nudging an obviously not-amused DART, with a cybernetically-extended elbow, reaching out in front of and across RAPTURE. SFX: NUDGE NUDGE NUDGE 4 SUPERPATRIOT: She spends so much time folding, she might as well be doing the laundry! 5 DART: I see no reason to blow any more money in a game I've no chance of winning. PANEL THREE: RAPTURE, winking in BARBARIC's direction, gives some advice to DART. 1 RAPTURE: Girl, you ain't got no sense of poker. You should do what I do. Play footsies with the dealer and hope he stacks the deck for you. PANEL FOUR: RICOCHET gives a mean look to BARBARIC, who is on the defensive already. 2 BARBARIC: She didn't do anything, honey! I swear. 3 BARBARIC: (small) Besides, she's already stacked! PANEL FIVE: RAPTURE, SUPERPATRIOT, and ANN all call, throwing in some chips. 4 ALL TOGETHER: Call! SFX: SWAP 6 BARBARIC: (off-panel, top) Ouch! SFX: RING RING PANEL SIX: RICOCHET reaches over with her chips, BARBARIC doesn't. 7 RICOCHET: Call SFX: RING 8 BARBARIC: Call. 9 RICOCHET: Uhm, Barbaric, it's not your turn to call, really... 10 BARBARIC: I know. But we've got a call and nobody seems to want to pick up the phone! 11 RICOCHET: Oh. PANEL SEVEN: Long shot if at all, possible. Everyone shows their cards. 12 CHELSEA: (off-panel, screaming) I GOT IT! SORRY! 13 BARBARIC: Well, in that case, show 'em if you got 'em! 14 BARBARIC: Looks like SuperPatriot is the winner! PAGE SIX PANEL ONE: We're flashing forward a little here. The biggest pile of chips rests in front of SUPERPATRIOT. HORRIDUS is now looking over RAPTURE's shoulder at her cards. We're in the middle of a hand. DART is folding. 5 CAPTION: Later... 6 DART: Too rich for my tastes. I think I'll just -- 7 EVERYONE ELSE: (scream) FOLD! 8 DART: You'll all get yours... You'll see. PANEL TWO: We cut back outside to the front desk, where CHELSEA NIRVANA sits in front of the computer, madly typing away, a frown visible on her face. 9 CHELSEA: (thinking) Damn you, Daddy. You couldn't succeed, so it's up to me. And these subliminal messages I installed into this computer aren't doing any good. 10 CHELSEA: (thinking) So now I have to increase their effectiveness. I run the chance of running the subliminal so often that they notice it, but vengeance shall be mine! PANEL THREE: Cut back to the poker game, a new hand having been already dealt. HORRIDUS is hanging over DART's shoulder, looking at her cards. 11 DART: Have you decided to join in for a hand, Horridus? 12 HORRIDUS: Nope. Just watching. PANEL FOUR: Large panel here, as KILLCAT bursts through the front door and announces himself to a surprised CHELSEA. In fact, she's so surprised that she falls right off her chair, only her legs visible from in front of the desk, as they shoot up from behind the desk. 13 KILLCAT: Hello! I'm back for my true love! SFX: THUMP 14 CHELSEA: (screaming) YOU CAN'T JUST WALK IN THERE... PAGE SEVEN PANEL ONE: Cut back to the poker game, where HORRIDUS has a questioning look on her face. 1 HORRIDUS: Dart? 2 DART: Yes? 3 HORRIDUS: Those four queens are pretty. PANEL TWO: CHELSEA, from behind the desk, tries to scramble to her feet but ends up watching KillCat enter the back room where the group is playing poker. 4 CHELSEA: (screaming) WAIT! STOP! PANEL THREE: Cut back to a smiling DART. 5 ALL: (screaming) FOLD! 6 DART: heh heh Told you so! PANEL FOUR: CHELSEA turns around and looks at her computer. 7 CHELSEA: Oh, well, they can handle it. Back to work for me... PAGE EIGHT PANEL ONE: Suddenly, and without warning, KILLCAT walks in through the door just behind SUPERPATRIOT. He's smiling widely and glowing as always to see DART. Needless to say, everyone's head turns towards him. SUPERPATRIOT's head spins around on his neck 180 degrees. 4 KILLCAT: Hello, all! And hello, my darling Dart! I've come back here at your request to save you from these hooligans! 5 ANN: (small) Superpatriot, I didn't know your head could do that. 6 SUPERPATRIOT: (small) Neither did I. And it looks like I need to do the Buns of Steel video again. PANEL TWO: Same art as last panel, except everyone is looking back at the poker game now, plotting strategy, etc. 7 KILLCAT: Hey! Is this strip poker?!? 8 DART: Ann? If you would. PANEL THREE: Empty panel, save for some lettering. SFX: DOOM PANEL FOUR: Empty panel, save for some more lettering. SFX: BOOM 9 KILLCAT: (screaming, tailless) EEEEYOWTCH! SFX: CRASH SFX: CRUMBLE PANEL FIVE: We now see a hole in the wall behind where KILLCAT once stood. KILLCAT himself is slumped on the ground, with remnants from the wall covering the ground round him, as well as himself. HORRIDUS is standing over him. 10 DART: (off-panel) I'll raise you five. 11 RAPTURE: (off-panel) See it and raise it one. 12 SUPERPATRIOT: (off-panel) Call. 13 ANN: (off-panel) Call. 14 RICOCHET: (off-panel) Call. PANEL SIX: Same art as last panel. 15 HORRIDUS: Who loves you, baby? 16 BARBARIC: (off-panel) And Dart wins it all! 17 CAPTION: END